Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
