i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
