i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
