I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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