I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
