Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
