you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
