I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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