it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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