YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
