Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
