You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
