Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
