got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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