I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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