she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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