I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
