between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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