is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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