We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
