woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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