Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
