youre lurking in front of me
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
