Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
