WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
