My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
smell my finger.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
