Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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