two words: eviction party
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize