smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I could fuck to npr.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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