I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
No I am not eating basil off your cock
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
