I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
