Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
