last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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