I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
