mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
