my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
