do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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