: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
