I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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