Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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