i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
