I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
