she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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