I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
