I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
