Apparently you make a good broom.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
