Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
