I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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