It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
