I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
