Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
