Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
